Hullo Dahling

a step back

2006-07-24T17:13:00.000-07:00

it's been so nice being able to take a little vacation away from everything and everyone. Be able to sort some things out in the luxury of the slow moving south. but at the same time, i havent really been doing to much 'sorting.' really ive just been planning about things that are coming up and trying to make sure they go perfect and everything, which things never go as well as you planned, so why bother making the plans in the first place? but being able to be in a different environment for a few days should happen on a more regular basis. =)

Song of the day: "Concering the UFO Sighting Near Highland, Il"--Sufjan Stevens

Also, read A Long Way Down by Nick Hornby. It's worth it.

last couple of weeks

2006-05-20T14:04:00.000-07:00

so the last couple of weeks have been horrible. steadily depressed and just sad about everything in my life. nothing seems to be good enough. i cant seem to be good enough. ive screwed up at everything ive attempted and i just want do be done.

i dont even know what to do anymore.

2006-05-01T22:22:00.000-07:00

"the memory of old sins could be destroyed by the madness of the sins that were new."

"It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution."

"When we are happy we are always good, but when we are good we are not always happy."

"One should never do anything that one cannot talk about after dinner."

"Knowledge would be fatal. It is the uncertainty that charms one. A mist makes things wonderful."

--Oscar Wilde

All to which, describe how I've felt the last few days.

depress mode

2006-04-15T17:17:00.000-07:00

im tired of having people give me their 'helpful' advise. im tired of people being fake, and freaking out and yelling for absolutly no reason. im also getting tired of knowing i dont get to see my boyfriend for another month. yeah. i might be a little depressed.

Spring Break

2006-02-28T10:32:00.000-08:00

So I just decided right now, that one day during Spring Break, I'm just going to leave. I don't know where. But I'm going. I'm really excited about this. Maybe the beach? Just drive for hours and end up in some exclusive section of the world. I'll bring my pictures to document the occasion of course. =) Yeah. I think this will be really good for me. I wonder where I'll be going.......

Song of the day: "Landed"--Ben Folds

2006-01-05T16:10:00.000-08:00

I just LOVE the people who are so subtle....but so mean.

For Good

2005-12-17T22:28:00.000-08:00

I truly do believe that certain people come into our lives for a reason, and they stay there for a certain amount of time until we learn whatever it is that we are to learn. And that we must cherish the memories whether they be good or bad, because if one tiny detail of our past had not been how it was, we would not be the people we are today. However, whenever a friendship slips away it's sad. and you dont have to like it, but you have to get through it. and youre never alone, no matter what you think.

song of the day: "For Good"--Wicked

amazing

2005-12-09T13:18:00.000-08:00

Life is amazing. Simply amazing, and astonishing, and suprising and wonderful beyond measure and scary beyond belief. But right now, it's just nice. Comforting. I think things are working out just how they're supposed to. And all around the hollidays.

I love the hollidays.

Song of the day: "Songs of Love"--The Divine Comedy

Hey

2005-11-14T09:05:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it takes doing something really stupid, to realize what you have. Things are hard, but that's life. Because, the people who really matter won't go anywhere even if you try to push them away. I'm glad they didn't go anywhere. Thanks.

People

2005-11-09T09:54:00.000-08:00

I'm confuised. I'm really confuised.

Sisters

2005-10-20T08:31:00.000-07:00

The cool thing about sisters?

Everything's fine in like, an hour.

Song of the day: "I love my shirt"--Donovan

sisters

2005-10-18T17:31:00.000-07:00

overall, they're fine.

but man can they be bitchy.

ugh.

Dreams

2005-10-18T08:26:00.000-07:00

Dreams are a funny thing. The more we seem to want to persue them, the more complications get thrown in the way, and the more obstacles we need to cross.

Haha.

Almost stessful.

That's alright.

I'll jump off that bridge when I get to it. =)

Song of the day: 20th Century Music baby!: "Symphony No. 5, Op. 100, 2nd Mvt."--Prokofiev

2005-10-01T23:14:00.000-07:00

my pretty saturn is no more. sadness. looking for a car i can afford/pay back without too much pain sucks. rather depressing.

2 months with Skyler tomorrow. Thats very cool. He's sweet. Makes up for the car. =P

Song of the day: "The Scientist"--Coldplay

Year II

2005-09-12T17:28:00.000-07:00

School starts tomorrow. See everyone in December.

Leap!

2005-09-03T18:07:00.000-07:00

Its scary to trust someone. Even when you KNOW you can trust them. There's that small fear inside telling you not to jump because there might not be something nice to break your fall on. haha. life is funny.

Song of the day: "Don't Change Your Plans For Me"--Ben Folds Five

Change

2005-08-30T13:44:00.000-07:00

=D

2005-08-11T11:21:00.000-07:00

Things are good. Really good. Better than good. I must have done something amazing in a past life. I'm happy. Genuinally happy. I really have nothing to complain about--besides regular annoyances of course =)--because things are good. The only thing I'm worried about is that I'll wake up and nothing will be this good.

Song of the day: "Dancing Through Life"--Wicked

break away

2005-07-25T15:43:00.000-07:00

i love writing in the whole "journal" sence, but you still hold things back from yourself, and i think thats odd. there are so many things i want to say to people, that have been bothering me. but im too scared, or just plain annoyed to deal with them. i start to think that i need to make a move to deal with things, but at the same time become to blatently angry with them that they dont even know about, which makes me even more angry. its like people wan to be noticed, yet be left completly alone. the more i go out and just hang out with some people, the more i want nothing more than to reside safely and quietly in my room with nothing but my books and guitar to console me along with my memories. i want a fresh start along with a fresh me.

Song of the day: "You Got Me All Wrong"--Dios Malos

It's all good =)

2005-07-20T21:40:00.000-07:00

Things have been going pretty good. Really good talks with some AMAZING friends, and the car's all fixed, NY was awesome, Wicked and Disneyland were soooooo much fun, the car's fixed and happy only now needing an oil change. the only minor concern is work, just the fact that its work. oh and on sunday i open....ive never open and ran the board when its been busy, so we'll just see how that actually goes. =0 ive been trying to relax and take it easy, but even doing that i still manage to go out....today was the first day in forever i actually stayed at home the ENTIRE day....I have no idea how i managed that. But the next 6 days or so i should be out being a hostess, so no time to rest there. but for the first time in awhile, i feel generally alright with things. almost peacefull.

song of the day: "Seasons of Love"--Rent

2005-06-29T22:56:00.000-07:00

you do your best. love your friends through their faults, insecurities, the words you wish they'd say, and the words you wish you could come to say to them. sometimes i just wish that people felt as comfortable with me and i would like them to be and be able to talk to me about anything and everything they need to.

i love hanging out with people, and after spending 6 straight days with them, having a day of downtime is almost depressing in a way, yet so needed and just....nice. So now I do believe its time for some Oscar Wilde quotes, which always seem good during a reflective mood.

"A true friend stabs you in the front"

"Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship. "

"Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance. "

"Hatred is blind, as well as love. "

"If one plays good music, people don't listen and if one plays bad music people don't talk. "

"I can resist everyhing but temptation."

Currently Watching: "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"

NYC update after trip to LA with Bill. =)

As of Late

2005-06-19T22:25:00.000-07:00

Nothing too great to say. Except that I'm going to NY on WEDNESDAY baby! Ye-ah! Much excited am I. Grandmommy leaves at an ungodly hour of 5am Tuesday morn, and E-Bar, if you will, officially opens its grand door tomorrow at 11. Tho I have to take a food test from 9-10 and don't start work till 10:45, hmmmm. Lets think this over people. And we have another rehearsal for NY tomorrow evening that I cant go to all of it, probably the 2nd half. Weeee. =)

Anyway, yesterday makes up for anything that's gone wrong lately or in the near future.

I spent my evening with the delightful Sara's after attending Leanne's 20th birthday bash. Kean and I didn't really know what to do, so we went to Starbucks on Rosedale and passed by Rubios and saw Stien working! So we visited and awaited closing time for Stien. In the meantime, Kean and I realized we have a digital camera at our disposal. Let the fun begin! When Stien got off work we took the most random pictures in the parking lot of Starbucks, which progressed to Liberty Park and back at Starbucks at 2 in the morning for Stien and me to get our cars, which we were proceeded to be kicked out of the parking lot by a very threatening rent-a-cop on a bike.

You can amuse yourself with anything. =)

Song of the day: "Hoops I did it again"--Reliant K

To the Best Friend Anyone Could Possibly Have

2005-06-12T13:24:00.000-07:00

It's actually hitting me. Emily leaves Wednesday. Wednesday. I cant believe it's already here. 9 years of living next door to her, going on walks around the neighborhood that would last for hours, or sitting in my car at midnight just talking for hours about anything and everything. 9 years of harassing each other, laughing at each other, and confiding in each other. She's the only person i know that we can spend weeks apart--if we cant help it--and when we get back together again it's like no time has passed at all. Everythings just the same. Shes one of the funniest people I know, and never fails to pick me up when I'm down, or just make me laugh when I really dont want to. There's no one in this world like her, and she's going to Utah. I hope she loves it. I know she'll love it, and its not like shes going to forget about me or anything, but i dont want her to go. Shes one of those handful of people that change your life forever. I cant imagine the past 9 years without her. I dont know what I would have done without her. Now I dont know what I'm going to do. Shes just the kind of person that people are lucky they get to meet. I love you Emily, and man alive and I going to miss you. Thank you for being the best friend anyone could possibly have.

=)

2005-06-10T14:37:00.000-07:00

*0 days: School's Out!
*5 days till Em leaves for BYU
*12 days till NYC
*14 days till Avenue Q!
*25 days till Brina's birthday!
*32 days till Em's 18!
*39 days till Wicked!
*40 days till Disneyland
*81 days till my birthday!

Whooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-06-10T14:29:00.000-07:00

School is OUT!!!! Ye-Ah! Big weight off the shoulders. Holy cow am i excited. *musical Ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!*

Yay!!!!!!!!!!

Yikes!

2005-06-05T22:16:00.000-07:00

It's finals week! Ahhhh! Sending in my postponment for jury duty tomorrow. heh, its "due" tomorrow. Apparently I have to give it to them, so none of this postmarked business, but I can fax it, so thatll be my early morning project. I also get to go to E-bar and have a delightfull little chat with them about my schedule the next couple of weeks, hope they dont hate me! (i told them about NY and LA when they hired me, so they cant be angry! i hope....)

My voice is shot. After juries im not singing/talking for a while. =)

Happy end of school!!!!!!!!!!

Quit

2005-06-02T22:18:00.000-07:00

haha. i totally quit.

There's Nothing Really You Can Do....

2005-05-31T19:56:00.000-07:00

I really hate not knowing what to do or how to deal with certain situations, while all along youre making the entire ordeal far too complicated than it ever needs to possibly be. Should I really bring certain subjects up and into the present which have been lately almost forgotten to the past minus the few who still keep it fresh in their mind almost everyday, and those to which it pains them to think about it.

Everyones been so high strung the past couple of months, i dont really know how to react to some people now, and conversation that has occured so simply and freely in the past is now almost awkward and strange.

I need a break from people. Just a break where i dont really see anyone, but sit in the park under the shade of an old tree and quietly read and watch the kids play on the tire swing, completly enjoing life without a single care in the world.

After finals my friend.

At least I still have friends who take my mind off of things just by being their wonderful selves. If I haven't told you lately how fantastic you are, I'm sorry. =)

Song of the day: "Get me away from here, I'm dyin"--Belle and Sebastion
"Ooh! get me away from here I’m dying
Play me a song to set me free
Nobody writes them like they used to
So it may as well be me"

2005-05-31T19:36:00.000-07:00

sara and me in our Riviara costumes. just plain cool

The Play

2005-05-29T00:57:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow's the last showing of The Boyfriend and I'm sad it's going to be over. It's been so much fun being in a play again, and making so many new friends that never fail to make me laugh until my sides ache. But all good things must come to an end, so I'm just really glad it was a good run. But tomorrow we have to strike the set. Ouy. That should be a fun loooooong job. We never actually get to leave is what im figuring.

Nick and I went for a walk yesterday, and he cleared some things up that had been bothering the both of us, so that was really nice. There's nothing like taking a walk with an old friend. It's just so comforting, and I'm so thrilled things are continuously improving between us. As corny as it sounds, its almost like visiting the past when we hang out, when everything was so tra-la-laish, and just really nice. I wish you could talk to everyone just like you would an old friend since Jr. High. No awkward pauses, or thoughts of what to say. I just wish that sometimes we had more one on one time together, but that's ok. Were both freakishly busy when the other one is free, like it seems to be for everyone I know, so its alright.

It's one in the morning, so I'm off to bed. Sleep tight.

Song of the day: "sortir la musique: a movement in Eb minor"--Lost Ocean

Whats that? Time for another countdown?...

2005-05-25T23:31:00.000-07:00

4 days till "The Boyfriend" is over
4 days till Disneyland/Alaskan Matt comes to Bako
8 days till Jenny's Birthday!
8 days till Disneyland!
9 days till a stats test
13 days till juries
15 days till stats final
16 days till end of finals
22 days till Em leaves for BYU
28 days till NY
30 days till Avenue Q
37 days till Brina's birthday!
45 days till Em's 18!
52 days till Wicked
94 days till i'm 19!
118 days till Sara's birthday!

my dog

2005-05-25T23:25:00.000-07:00

I love my dog. So at like 11 when i decide to go outside and strum my little guitar hes right there at my feet. its comforting. its just nice how loved animals can make you feel ;)

D for Depressed!

2005-05-25T05:43:00.000-07:00

I was telling Sabrina about my latest "woe is me" stories, and she said, very cheerfully, "D for Depressed!" I twas cute, and i couldnt really help but laugh. Thanks Brina!

So i'm getting a D in stats, and i thought i knew what was going on. Now if the professor curved id be sitting pretty with a C, but the bastard doesnt, so if im going to have to take again, im thinking, why even bother? everythings just so stressfull right now, i swear id cry at the drop of a pen.

"the family" seems to be stagnating. right when things are going better they turn for the worst, and vice versa, so im not really sure what to do about that.

i just cant get my mind off stats. i wouldnt mind taking the class again (tho what if i dont pass then too? how dumb am i?) except for the stupid labs. 2 1/2 hours of crap to waste your freakin time. let there be a miricle and give me a C!

sigh.

Right This Way

2005-05-21T15:44:00.000-07:00

Who-hoo! I'm a hostess at Elephant Bar Restaurant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had my "final interview" today, and they hired me on the spot. yay! I go in on Thursday to get a shirt/nametag, and orentation is tentivily June 4th, if the building stays on schedule and whatnot. And then, I'm a working gal. And i'll have, do I dare say it? Money? I'm excited. The manager, Randy, said that if i learn the menu and whatnot, that probably a few weeks after opening they have spots open up of people that didnt work out, and i can try for waiter. Too cool. So thats my good news of the day. Go team!

Song of the day: "Be Our Guest"

2005-05-15T20:51:00.000-07:00

"It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution"
"To cure the soul by means of the sences, and the sences by means of the soul"
"The memory of old sins could be destroyed by the madness of sins that were new"
"Passion makes one think in a circle"

Dad

2005-05-14T19:11:00.000-07:00

I just love it how everytime dad gets into a mood, im the one he takes it out on. Like the dog getting some trash out of the trashcan was my fault, and taking a couple of his chocolate chips just set off a whole yelling argument, and apparently i say things and dont know i said them, because the words he puts into my mouth is another 20 minutes of yelling, and him stomping off to bed because i did something absolutly horrible to him. homes been really fun the last month.

Interview II

2005-05-12T15:18:00.000-07:00

ok. so the interview went alright. I have a "final interview" sat. 21 at 1030. Eeps!

Interview

2005-05-12T08:24:00.000-07:00

I have an interview this morning for Elephaunt Bar and Restaurant. Ahhhhh! I just hope they think I'm absolutly fabulous and better than everone else. =) So I'm a little nervous. I really need this job, so fingers crossed! So later I'll either be in a hopefull mood, or really depressed and boycotting the restaurant. Wish me luck!

2005-05-10T22:59:00.000-07:00

The coocoo clock is back up and working in the house. Every half hour. Just taunting me the past week of my insomnia. So here is the song of every day:

Barenaked Ladies: "Who Needs Sleep?"

Now I lay me down not to sleep
I just get tangled in the sheets
I swim in sweat three inches deep
I just lay back and claim defeat

Chapter read and lesson learned
I turned the lights off while she burned
So while she's three hundred degrees
I throw the sheets off and I freeze
Lids down, I count sheep
I count heartbeats
The only thing that counts is that I won't sleep
I countdown, I look around

Who needs sleep?
(well you're never gonna get it)
Who needs sleep?
(tell me what's that for)
Who needs sleep?
(be happy with what you're getting
There's a guy who's been awake
since the Second World War)

My hands are locked up tight in fists
My mind is racing filled with lists
of things to do and things I've done
Another sleepless night's begun

There's so much joy in life,
so many pleasures all around
But the pleasure of insomnia
is one I've never found
With all life has to offer,
There's so much to be enjoyed
But the pleasures of insomnia
are ones I can't avoid

Not that I'm counting....

2005-05-08T18:45:00.000-07:00

*2 days till a stats test
*6 days till Colin's CD drops. =P
*7 days till the choir's car wash
*11 days till The Boyfriend opens
*14 days till voice recital
*21 days till Disneyland Matt comes down
*21 days till The Boyfriend is over
*25 days till Jenny's Birthday!
*30 days till voice juries
*33 days till last possible final date
*39 days till Emily leaves for BYU
*42 days till Father's Day
*45 days till NYC
*62 days till Emily's 18!
*69 days till Jenny and I see Wicked!
*105 days till im 19!

Song of the day: "Do you Wanna Dance?"--Beach Boys

Cute

2005-05-06T12:53:00.000-07:00

I'd rather look cute and have no one see me than to look horrible and run into everyone. lol. i hate having a good hair day and not feeling good enough to leave the house. =)

eyes

2005-05-04T17:02:00.000-07:00

I think theres something wrong with my right eye. Yay.

tired

2005-05-03T18:44:00.000-07:00

so....tired....brain fried.....

For Once in My Life

2005-04-30T01:47:00.000-07:00

It feels pretty good to be able to say with the upmost confidence and clarity, "I don't need you anymore." To realize that someone that you so heavily relied on once in your life, is just kinda "there" now and you're ok with that. And that you almost feel like a fool for trying to keep something alive that was dying. Its not that I don't care, I think I always will, but it no longer bothers me. It hasn't for some time, but I think I'm just now coming into realization of the matter. Maybe that's because its 2 in the morning. =)

I saw a friend from high school I haven't seen since my sophomore year, and it was strange. I felt so much more grown-up, and I that I didn't need their approval or opinion. Its just the age old saying, I wish I knew then what I know now.

"The reason we all like to think so well of others is that we are all afraid of ourselves."
"The basis of optimism is sheer terror."

Song of the day: "Concerto for Mandolin and Orchestra in C Major"--Antonio Vivaldi

Theory

2005-04-26T22:20:00.000-07:00

Right now, theory is NOT my friend.

I Did, Didn't I?

2005-04-24T15:48:00.000-07:00

I'm glad I did what I did. But at the same thime, I'm a little sad I didn't do what I didn't. Does that make any kind of sence? I don't know if I would do it differently if given the chance, and maybe everything's for the better having done what I did. What would I be thinking if things had been different? I don't want the chance again, but then maybe I do? I really don't know what to think. But what I did was what I should have done. What I really need is 20/20 hindsight. Before. If something is supposed to happen, it will, regardless of how you try to change it. No regrets. Cuz you can't change the past, only fix the present and move on. So, i just have to fix it. Usually rationalizing makes me feel better. I'm not really sure if this is going anywhere. That being said, I did what I did. Things should work out. They always do.

"There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about."
"I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world."
"To be in love is to surpass one's self."
"The only way to get rid of a temptation it to yeild to it."
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

Delightful Morning

2005-04-16T23:02:00.000-07:00

This morning I had a delightful breakfast with Miss Jennifer Schniepp at Coco's. I had never been there before and I was quite a treat. Jenny had a custom made omelet and I had my patented biscuits and gravy. We both enjoyed the delicious strawberry coffee cake, which was divine. She regaled me with tales of her past evenings and the mole which has decided to take residence on her property.

I came home, took a little nap after doing some tedious work, and felt the earthquake! There was an earquake somewhere near--according to dear old dad--which was a lot better than me thinking i was really sleep deprived or just plain out ot it.

Since Mom was stil gone on her school...thing....so Dad made steaks, and we had ice-cream. Yum. I did some stats homework, and theory, and I feel pretty good about the work load for the weekend. Not so overwhelmed. =)

Lately things have been deliriously good, so today's song is "De-Lovely," from Anything Goes. (Jenny, u proud of me? Musical!)

De-Lovely: "It's delightful, it's delicious, It's delectable, it's delirious, It's dilemma, it's delimit, it's deluxe, It's de-lovely"

My Cat

2005-04-15T22:13:00.000-07:00

My cat, Sweetie 15, 16 this July, is awesome, but weird. This morning I wake up and she's sitting in the bathtub, no rhyme or reason. And this evening when I got home, Carol was looking in the bushes for her. She's an indoor cat, rarely gracing the great outdoors with her presence. Usually when she goes out, my other cat Fudge "babysits" her, but tonight he went inside when Carol called them for their little dinner. We finally found Sweetie in the bushes on the edge of our house, looking rather "freaked out" and not really moving. I went to pick her up, and her little heart was beating so fast and when she saw the front door, she scrambled to get into the house. I think she got lost is the tundra that is the front yard.

Kids

2005-04-14T16:13:00.000-07:00

I am never having kids. Or becoming a chauffeur. Either way.

Internet

2005-04-09T22:19:00.000-07:00

Of course, i forgot to turn off my internet today, mainly because within 10 minutes it shuts off on its own anyway, so no big deal. A few hours later, it's still on!!!!! I think it stayed on to spite me. But when i want to get something done.....

"that person"

2005-04-09T16:07:00.000-07:00

It doesn't really seem to metter how hard you try, what you say, or what you do, you're never "that person."

Song of the day: "Something Pretty"--Partick Park

Here I am, where I’ve been
I’ve walked a hundred miles in tobacco skin,
And my clothes are worn & gritty.
And I know ugliness,
Now show me something pretty.

I was a dumb punk kid with nothing to lose
And too much weight for walking shoes.
I could have died from being boring.
As for loneliness
She greets me every morning.

At the most I’m a glare,
I’m the hopeless son who’s hardly there.
I’m the open sign that’s always busted.I
’m the friend you need, but can’t be trusted.

This week....not so bad

2005-04-08T17:10:00.000-07:00

Man this week was actually, dare i say it? Really good. In theory, I understood everything, actually did the homework thoroughly , freakin rocked my theory skills test, less auralia, but still better than in the past. Play rehearsals were fun, I love doing the play with Sara! It's like highschool but mucho better. Sara freakin rocks, just so you people know. =) Stats is a waste of my time, but whatever. Carol's gone through Sunday/Mon for some geology conference in St. Louis, and once i slept for more than 4 hours a night, I felt pretty good! =) BTW, Red Bull sucks. No bueno.( It does not infact give you wings.) Emily came back from Utah, man that was a sad 4 days! So i've decided she cant go off to BYU. I think everyone will be ok with that, so no problems. =) And now......THE WEEKEND! I have no plans, so call me up!

Later dayz

Song of the now: "Popular Mechanics for Lovers"--Beulah

2005-03-31T19:10:00.000-08:00

Me and Em at the mall =)

Ceaser Chaves Day

2005-03-31T18:58:00.000-08:00

No school today! Yay! It was sOoOoOoOoOoOoO nice. Jenny, Eric, Brina, and Jon went to Disneyland. It's a good thing they did, because I really dont think that they all go quite enough, you know? Simutaniously, Amanada and Jeff went to Disneyland too, and with all the people at the parks, they ran into each other. How great is that?

Jon and Eric's voice messages were great. Clever. They get gold stars.

I took Emily out for lunch at Akira. It was "outrageous." haha. And, Mmmmmmm. so good. She's been having a hard time at home, so i figured that missing some school and eating at one of her fave restaurants was just what she needed. It was a lot of fun, and i got some new sunglasses since i lost mine at Disneyland last week. =(. But these are pretty cute, and should shield the sun and whatnot, so mission accomplished.

Tomorrow's FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay Fridays. I think tomorrow mom and I might just rent Finding Neverland and shes been wanting to go and see Major League Improv, so we might do that on sat. Should be fun.

Nick got a new truck! It's pretty, and HUGE! Its like a minivan and a truck put together. Its really cool equipped with dvd players, sunroof, and the back seats can fold down for the bed. He came by around 930 to show me and emily, and then the three of us went out for ice-cream. Just like old times. =) It was really fun.

Song of the day: "Golden Years" David Bowie

ps. i love how Fudgiecant really sleep without me, and creats a fus. its things like that that make you feel loved.

3rd Quarter

2005-03-29T22:38:00.000-08:00

Right now i have 20 units. I think I'm gonna drop my phil. and logic class and have 15! Who-hoo! So I'll have theory, stats, choir, voice, theory skills, the play, and i might sign up for the other unit in choir, so ill have 16. Cuz i know myself, and if i keep phil and logic--which is homework CRAZY, plus the work for theory and stats with the play, I'm going to drive myself insane, be no fun to be around, and will constantly be "freaking out." And who really wants that? I don't. I really want to do better in theory this quarter, and doug's going to be teaching it =)

Last night: DENNYS! It was SO much fun. There was Sabrina, Jenny, Eric, Jaci, and Bill. So great. I was late due to play rehursal, so by the time i got there, i had 14 new voice messages and 5 text messages from everyone. They were racing who could get to my voice mail first, and passing their phones around so everyone would call. I saved some of the more intresting ones. Some of them though they were all laughing too loud and hard for me to actually hear anything! haha. Good times.

The dance practice tonight was really cute. Its going to be so much fun doing the musical, and i love being part of the chours. Not as much stress, and its just so happy-go-lucky. And i get to be with Miss Sara Kean--just like Anything Goes!--so its going to be a good stress releaver with the dancing we should be doing. Go team!

And dont forget people, you are always more than welcome to help me get a job! =)

Song of the day: "Sweetist Thing"--U2

Blame Emily

2005-03-26T15:51:00.000-08:00

Em has a little blog now too! They're taking over! :)

So last night, Emily, Makalah, and I went to Eric's restaurant last night. It was fun! Except for when I got up to go to the bathroom, and Emily and Makalah put tabasco sause in my ICE TEA! It was discusting, and they know i cant take spicy things! Agh! Eric was just walking by and laughing the entire time, and when he went to give me my new and improved ice tea, he was backing away from me. man, if it wasnt such a good burn, id be so mad at them. =) Gotta apprecitate a good burn.

Then Em, Makalah, and I went back to my house and dyed emily's hair! Now we're brunetts together! We've always gotten asked by ppl if we're sisters, and now thatll probably be furthered. haha. Then Em spent the night, kinda an improv sleepover. it was fun! We sat up talking till about 2 in the morning about this and that, and just everything. it was awesome. Im going to miss being able to do that SOOOOOOOOOOOO much when she goes to BYU. I just love sitting in my car for hours at night infront of our houses, and talking. Then deciding we need a comfertable, and go and stretch out on the hood of the car, leaning against the winshield looking at the stars. You cant do that with just anyone you know.

Then so far today, i've bought my books for school, ate at California Pizza Kitchen with Em and Sara, cleaned, mowed the yard, and now im here. lol. i still need to straighten up my room so it can be pleasent to be in when the quarter starts.

Speaking of the quarter:
MWF: 930-330
T: 1030-330
TH: 1030-1230
Play rehursal...whatever evenings i have to show up. Go chours!

Tonight: Amanda's par-tay. Suprise guest appearences?......

Song of the day: "Low Rider"--War

2005-03-26T00:47:00.000-08:00

haha. now....im a brunette =P

Clearly Canadian

2005-03-24T13:24:00.002-08:00

"Strawberry Melon Clearly Canadian sparkling water beverage with natural strawberry + melon flavour no preservatives"

Not exactly the best drink in the world, but they had me at "Clearly Candaian," eh.

*The last 4+ hours ppl have been pounding holes in the walls of my house to fix the pluming in the parentals bathroom. No water in the house. Weeeee. =)

*Lunch with Dad today, it was awesome. He tells horrible jokes, yet thinks mine are bad, lol.

Monday: Disneyland. Yeah, it was magical. =) Got hit with a penny. Eric thought it was hilarious. Jenny went into so much detail about the trip, its crazy. Meagan rocks. Gets us into the park, has a fun "Disneyland voice," gets us cool passes to rides--we avoided SOOOOOOOO many lines, it was awesome--got to see Fantasmic-so amazing!-and yeah. good times.

Tuesday: Gilmore Girl fest with SARA KEAN! It was awesome. Got to see Lora's baby, Mark. SOOOOOOOOOOOOO sweet. Aw, she has the cutest baby ever. Sara was in heaven holding that little boy, shes going to be such a good mom. I cant believe that one of us has a baby, but awwww he squeeks and winneys like a horse. =)

Wednesday: Went to the mall with Em looking for random things. found stuff that amused us, but nothing enough to buy. Went to Claudia's house and watched Dodgeball. I love that movie. Steve the Pirate! Beth, Daniell, Claudia's sister, and Charlene were there. After the movie Charlene, Emily, and I came back to my house and hung out for awhile.

Currently Downloading "Rockin' the Suburbs"--Ben Folds

ThInGs To CeLeBrAtE!

2005-03-19T11:17:00.000-08:00

1) FINALS ARE OVER! Who-hoo!
2)Ice Cream Yesterday to celebrate with "the gals"
3)SPRING BREAK!
4) *drumroll please* DISNEYLAND in ONE, count them! ONE DAY!

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS =)

CaNt CoNcEnTrAtE

2005-03-16T21:35:00.000-08:00

I cannot concentrate on studying! Ive been over the anthropology study guide, what we went over in class about it, and i think im ok from that, i dont know where the actual study guide went.......and as concerned i am about my classes, i just want to put this whole quarter behind me. It just wasnt really a good one. So many unexpected things kept on getting thrown at me that i havent really had to deal with before. i dont really know how well ive done.

"Stil Fighting It"--Ben Folds

"good morning son
i am a bird
wearing a brown polyester shirt
you want a coke?
maybe some fries?
the roast beef combo's only nine ninety five
but it's okay
you don't have to pay
i've got all the change

everybody knows
it hurts to grow up
but everybody does
it's so weird to be back here
let me tell you what
the years go on and
we're still fighting it
and you're so much like me
i'm sorry

good morning son
twenty years from now
maybe we'll both sit down
and have a few beers
and i can tell
you about today
and how i picked you up
and everything changed
it was pain
sunny days and rain
i knew you'd feel the same things

everybody knows
it sucks to grow up
and everybody does
and so weird to be back here
let me tell you what
the years go on and
we're still fighting it

you'll try and try
and one day you'll fly
away from me

it was pain
sunny days and rain
i knew you'd feel the same things

everybody knows
it hurts to grow up
and everybody does
and so weird to be back here
let me tell you what
the years go on and
we're still fighting it
and you're so much like me
i'm sorry"

2005-03-16T19:28:00.000-08:00

Finals: 2 down....2 to go....

Mary Jo

2005-03-15T23:07:00.000-08:00

"Mary Jo"--Belle and Sebastion. Great song. Everyone should listen to it.

So...yeah

2005-03-15T15:05:00.000-08:00

Finals are going to be the death of me. It's just too much. Juries are over with, and i think i did ok, geology.....i cant remember the stupid terms, and then theres the ppr i have to finish by tomorrow for the lab for extra credit--which i need--then anthropology which i have barely started to study, then theory which i havent gone over yet, but weve been doing everything so i think ill be ok, and then theres the chord skeleton i have to add a WHOLE bunch of crap too, and on the plus side im going crazy.

Then...theres some stuff i just cant seem to work out. Talk to everyone friday when hell week is over.

Song of the week: "Sometimes"--Ours

3/13

2005-03-13T21:28:00.000-08:00

Choir concert tonight. It went pretty well, and was acutally kinda fun. =) My solo went alright. Hey, i didnt pass out or anything so I guess that means it was good. lol. Emily Kinney, jenny, and the rents came, it was cool. Then after the concert, we went to Wood'ys. It was a lot of fun. Emily joined us, that was fun. =)

Final's week. Goes a little something like this:

--Monday: jury practice
--Tuesday: juries-1:10
--Wednesday: Geology Final/Extra Credit Ppr Due
--Thursday: Anthropology Final
--Friday: Theory II Final/Chord Skeleton Due

Song of the day: "Champagne Supernova"--Oasis

2005-03-10T21:06:00.000-08:00

hehe. group shot.

2005-03-10T13:43:00.000-08:00

9 days until Spring Break, Yay Spring Break. =)

RAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-03-04T16:16:00.000-08:00

Thunderstorm today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was AWESOME! There was thunder and lightning in BAKERSFIELD! It was so great. Puddles and everything. I love the rain!!!!!!!!!

Song of the day: "It's raining, its pouring, the old man in snooring!"

Sick

2005-03-03T12:21:00.000-08:00

i got sick again. the last couple of weeks of sick-freeness was awesome. Now all i want to do is sleep, haha. not such a bad idea. well, ive procrastionated long enough today. Ew. anyone wanna go to school for me for a while?...

Song of the now: "O cessate di piagarmi"--I have my songs for voice running through my head!

Weekly Update

2005-02-25T22:34:00.001-08:00

Monday: Not so good. But the week turned around. Got nice hugs from people, ice cream with em, and deny's with Jenny and a cat goodie basket! School is killing me.

Tuesday: Week started going pretty good. Harry Conning Jr. concert! For FREE! It was awesome! Sara's dad had some extra tickets so Amanda, Lianne, Sara, and I went together. It was such a fun girls night out expecially for a Tuesday. He is so pretty, funny, and sooo talented. It was the best concert I had seen in a long time. the arena was packed. so cool.

Wednesday: eh, same old, but better than monday. =)

Thursday: Lora's baby shower. Can't get over that she's having a baby! Mark Dameon(sp) Ayala, due the 13th, or 8th if he doesnt turn. It was really good seeing her again. I cant wait to go and ooo and ahhh over the baby!

Friday: Yay for fridays! No skills test in theory, theory wasnt so bad, choir was kinda nice. Lianne is forever entertaining. Liberty's variety show! It was so cute. Tall Tommy practically blindsided me to say hi. that kid cracks me up. 2gether was the best show of the night. Some of the funniest girls ever lip syncing to "U + Me = Us (Calculus)"They went through all their characters, "the youngster," "the heart throb," etc. Soooo great. It was nice seeing Mr. Mac. I miss that old man. Overall, it was really cute and karaoke is always fun =)

Song of the now: "A bushel and a peck"--guys and dolls

It Sucks To Be Me

2005-02-21T23:45:00.000-08:00

"It sucks to me me,

It sucks to be you,

It sucks to be us,

But not when we're together!"

Today sucked. Friends make it better.
It's days like these that you know who your real friends are.

2005-02-15T20:28:00.000-08:00

Monday was awesome. Happy Valentine's Day! There was no theory (WHO-HOO!) So eric and i went to lunch and went shopping, and he got flowers for all the girls. so sweet! haha. i was holding them in the car and i felt like miss america. *kiss, wave*

Jenny and i went to Dennys, and Colin and Sylvia sang for us. It was awesome. =)

Jenny didnt get the part for miss saigon---like she should have!!---So she's going to disneyland on friday, which my mother forbade me to go. im gonna cry. lol. im still sick, and i dont wanna get worse with finals in a couple of weeks. theorys gonna be lonely on friday. =)

Anyway, i think i had a relaspe in the health department, and today i felt horrible.

Test in geology tomorrow. if i get a B, i will SO do the happy snoopy dance.

Song of the now: "No Day But Today"--Rent

(I love you Jenny! -->-->@)

Thera Flu

2005-02-09T21:53:00.000-08:00

So, trying to ward off this whole "cold" thing before it becomes serious, so Mom brought me home some theraflu stuff. Said it would help me sleep. What she meant to say was that it would take on the effect that sudafede(?) and tylonal does--drugged.

Good thing I dont have a midterm in anthropology tomorrow! lol. good thing i studied some monday--and i feel like i generally have a good grasp on this stuff. Yeah, I'm getting up an hour early tomorrow to really study. I'm not really concentrating. (Jenny, I'm drunk lol)

But for the time being, ingredients in TheraFlu:
Active Ingredients (in each packet)

Acetanubophen 1000 mg
Chlorpheniramine maleate 4 mg
Dextromethorphan hydrobromide 30 mg
Psuedoephedrine hydrocloride 60 mg

Who comes up with these names?! Honestly, people. If you cant say them, they shouldnt count!

Song of the now: "Moondance"--Michael Buble

This Week:

2005-02-07T21:06:00.000-08:00

Midterm in Anthro. on Thursday.
Kinship Paper in anthro. due Thursday
Writing assign. in anthro. due Thursday
Midterm in Theory Friday
Auraila test in theory friday
Amanda's Mardi Gras party Tuesday
Denny's tonight--cancelled =( medicene to make you feel better, it lies.....--
Registered for Spring Classes...."fun" load next quarter
V-day shopping Sat. (So excited!)
Jenny's audition for Miss Saigon Sat!!!!!!!!!!!!
Viewing of "The Notebook"--Yay Ryan Gosling!--Sun. along with V-day assembling, and dinner at Cindy's with Jenny!

Right now: sooooo tired. Almost feel asleep in geology a few times today. =)
I really need to be studying for anthro and practicing for voice. Yeow. I need to de-stress. lol.

Song of the now: "Can't Hurry Love"--The Supremes

Men

2005-02-06T11:50:00.000-08:00

Have I mentioned as of late my immence annoyance/frusteration/general dislike of the opposite sex?

Song of the day: "Wash that Man Right Out of my Hair"--South Pacific. Ah. Great Song.

2005-02-04T23:00:00.000-08:00

I love Disneyland......

dentist

2005-01-29T15:21:00.000-08:00

Dentist.....tomorrow....i hate the dentist. Cuz i just know they're going to want to do something to "fix" my teeth if you will. They feel fine....i hate the dentist. Dreading the stupid dentist........yeah. that's gonna be fun.

Song of the day: "Dentist"--Little Shop of Horrors

Penut Butter

2005-01-28T15:52:00.000-08:00

Some days there's nothing better than penut butter on a spoon. =)

Song of the day: "One Week"--Barenaked Ladies

2005-01-25T19:41:00.000-08:00

This is called avoiding MORE geology studying....yeah.....

Hope i dont blank when i get to the test.

The Low Down

2005-01-25T08:32:00.000-08:00

So here's the low down. (i apologize for saying that!)

Geology test tomorrow (Wednesday) Carol helped me study last night, and shes gonna help me again today, so i dont think im gonna go to the little study session some ppl from the class are having. I'd do better with Carol, and then I'll just memorize.

Jenny got me the most AWESOME birthday present!!!!!!!!!!! Last time she got me this rockin Pirates of he Caribbean ride attraction poster, and this time---though my birthday's in August, she couldnt wait--is so cool! A pirates beer mug and a really tall shot glass. In the mug you can see the little skelton pirate on the back of the glass...its a lot cooler than im probably making it sound. =) I met her at Denny's last night--which I really needed after my 2 hour study session with/without Carol, and GETTING PULLED OVER!!!!!!!!!!!! I rolled the stupid stop sign by my house, but thank goodness, i was just given a warning.

No Aralia test this week! Who-hooo!!!!!!!!!!!!

Disneyland next Tuesday!!!!!! Amanda, Jeff, Sara, Hannah, Eric, Jenny, Aiden, and me! So excited!

Song of the day: "99 Red Balloons"

Im not that girl

2005-01-22T13:08:00.000-08:00

Song of the day: "I'm Not that Girl"--Wicked

"Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl:

Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl

Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl:

Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl"

Sing it sista.

Dancing Through Life

2005-01-20T21:56:00.000-08:00

Monday Jenny and I went to Dennys. Colin was there and he sang for us. =) It was awesome. Jenny almost cried. No, Colin has a really good voice, if only he wouldnt smoke!

Thank goodness this week was only 4 days. It made everything so much better.

Sara's not feeling really well, i dont really know about what. I just wish she would talk to me about it. But if she wants to, she will. =)

My shoulders really hurt, lol. i tensed up somethin fierce today. Oh, and yesterday a door hit me....sigh. the life i lead =)

Song of the now: "Dancing Through Life"--Wicked

Just a little something i wrote :)

2005-01-17T01:16:00.000-08:00

I hate you because I love you
You know.
‘Cuz when I’m with you I feel so….
So…..vulnerable
When I with you. I feel…..
So alone.
Alone.

I love spending my time with you
You know.
But the time always goes by so fast.
So fast.
Its like we never get…
Any time alone.
Alone.
Don’t wanna be alone

I’m so happy when I’m with you
You know.
So frustrated to be without you
Cuz’ I’m thinkin of you
Of what you’re thinkin about me
Of what you’re thinkin of me now
Are you thinkin about me now?

Woah-woah-woah
La-da-da-da

I wish I wasn’t thinking about you
So.
I wish that you weren’t on my mind
All the time.
I wish that we could be together
I wish I wasn’t feeling this way.

I hate you because I love you
You know.
‘Cuz when I’m with you I feel so….
So…..vulnerable
When I with you. I feel…..
So alone.
Alone.

La-da-da-da

Black Out

2005-01-15T09:21:00.000-08:00

So this morning i guess I got up too fast or something and blacked out. Not for long or anything, but everything went dark and then i was on the floor. but hey, i didnt hit anything on the way down! I guess thats what happens when you donate blood, and dont really sleep. =)

In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning......

2005-01-15T02:39:00.000-08:00

It really is in the wee small hours of the morning that you get to thinking.

I hate not being able to sleep. you know? finally have a chance to catch up and get some good rest in, and i have this throbbing headache and my gums hurt. (i think i flossed to hard or something) but ugh. i hate it.

This week, i haven't been able to speak properly, let alone eliquently.

Theory is going to be the death of us. We're in this little room, and a very smelly marker for the whiteboard, and by the end, we're all kinda laughing randomly...haha. Cant wait till form. =)

Song of the now: "Those To Come"--The Shins

2005-01-10T21:58:00.000-08:00

Just the gals and Bryce =)

School...groan

2005-01-02T13:47:00.000-08:00

OK. So, school starts tomorrow. Not really looking forward to it. Geology in particular, and taking Anthro with Carol. That is going to be weird. I have already promised her that I will not be sharing how well i do in the course, no matter what. If im doing worse/better, dont really care. i hate competition, and really dont want any, especially with her. But im going to have classes 11-6. so, dont talk to me mondays or wednesdays. except for dennys at 10 on mondays! that'll be my saving grace. lol.

Magic Mountain yesterday was awesome. What a great way to start off the year! Bryce, Sara, Amanda, Jeff and I all went yesterday and it was the perfect day to go. we walked on everyride except for X--which was so worth the 2 hour wait. the only downfall of the day was that it was cold, so we were all shivering while waiting in the lines. it was so much fun. bryce kept on talking about Deja Vu and how much it creaped him out, haha. it was great. After the park we ate at BJ's or Benji's or something like that. A pizza place....oh....so good....and we had a pazookie....even better. Big, warm, yummy cookie with icecream on top. Yum. Then once we got home we went to Amanda and Jeff's place and watched Bend it like Beckem--really good. and some weird movie about some pop stars in the 80s. sara and i really had no idea what was going on during the whole thing, and we were all so tired, i think that only jeff and amanda knew what was happening because it was their movie. but still it was fun.

oh, im just dreading school tomorrow. i dont think i made a very intellegent first impression on my new geology professor when i met her last quarter. i hope she likes me and that the class is really great. and then just having anthro with carol....im not really sure how i feel about that. i really wish that sara was taking the class with me like we really wanted to do. maybe next quarter we can have another class together besides theory since shes not doing University Singers. =( and on a sad note, bryce leaves for Ireland two weeks from today for 5 months. i really hope he has a great time over there. i would love to study abroad for a semester. how amazing would that be?

well, im ready for spring break now!

song of the now: "We are the Champions" (sara, bryce, and i kept on singing that yesterday, lol. i have no idea why.) =)

better

2004-12-13T21:48:00.000-08:00

things are better. ive had today to just chill, and i resisted the urge to accept an invitation for a little get together. i hate being home when people are hanging out and having fun tho. haha. my mom said that if there was ever a socialite, its me. =) i love spending time with people.

bryce and i went out to lunch today. that was cool. hes a fun guy. i love "lunching" with people if you will. its just so much fun.

liz called me today. theres problem with this girl jessica, who wont return liz's calls about the reimbersment check from Flockmann for the Shakespeare research project and now everyones hounding poor liz! im going to try to call jessica again tomorrow and liz is droping by her work/house to get ahold of her. this is ruining her vacation! having to worry about this and everyone. i really hope she gets everything straightened out so she doesnt have to dwell on this anymore!

thanks for the comment jenny! it really meant a lot to me.

you never can have too many friends!!!

song of the now: "My Will"--DC Talk

Cry

2004-12-13T02:10:00.000-08:00

.i dont know whats wrong with me. ok. i kinda know. but its a long list, and ive been re-listing it for myself a lot today, so there's no need to do that here.

.but i guess, the "friendly teasing", "playful anger", really isnt funny/cute anymore.

.i went out with a friend to his company party, hoping it wasnt a date. it was. i just dont like him. i feel like a horrible person. it was awkward.

.the person i would like to go out with seems inatainable.

.most of my music is to "happy" for my current mood.

.i havent spent enough time with my grandma while shes out here.

.i havent spent enough time with anyone who i really want to.

.there's not enough hours in the day. too many emotions.

.people are kinda angry with me. i hate when people are angry with me.

.i want to be percieved as the sweet girl. but not the nieve one. and not the mean/sarcastic one.

.all i want to do is lock myself in my room for a while and cry.
.but i cant.

.jesus, how did you go through everything you did? im having a hard time with life, and its a flower field compared to what you did.

.skylar and i had a conversation about some people we knew/saw that have/had things so bad in their life, but they're fine. and here we are, whining about our little problems.

.i really like talking to him. hes thoughtful/serious/funny. ive been really "tra la la" if you will while meeting/getting to know all these new people. conversations with him are just different. good different.

.i had a little chat with emily today. it was nice. i love talking to her. she really does make things better, even though i barely knew what i was talking about with her. i was working through my current mood, and it was nice having someone there.

.i need a day. just to myslelf. and grandma. i cant wait till my mom is done teaching and has a couple of weeks off. i havent gotten to spend barely any time with her since school started in september. i miss her. and we live in the same house.

.im so thankful that my mom and i get along. i dont feel like i can talk with her about everything but i dont think anyone really feels that way about anyone. but, we really get along. i love her so much.

.dad was awesome this evening. i wasnt all smiles, and he just came over when i was in my room, and gave me a hug and kissed me on the head. he never does that. i mean, he tells me goodnight and everything, but thats kinda like a ritual. this was special, cuz it was unexpected. i felt like daddy's little girl again. i didnt have to play nice, and smile for everyone. i really wanted to cry and just have dad be there.

.when i was little, mom and carol would go to 4H, and dad and i would go out for Baskin Robins. we havent done that in ages. i really want to. hes such a good dad. its just when hes really tense, or in a bad mood, hes not much fun to be around. but whenever im down, hes one of the best people to possibly have around. cuz its not like a friend, or mom whose always there with a hug.

.i dont want tomorrow to come. this is nice. just typing in the dark, listening to my elliot smith cd. no one in the house awake but me. bottle up and explode, i think, it my favorite song by elliot smith. i dont know much that hes done, but i really like it.

.they say a person should cry at least once a week to let out stress/emotions in general. that people should cry once a week.

.i hate if people see me cry.

.the last time i really cried, was when i learned my grandaddy had passed away. i went over to nicks, and cried on his shoulder for about 2 hours. just crying. not saying anything. i didnt cry in Kentucky with the whole family there. in the funeral home, watching my cousins cry, my grandmommy and my mom cry. i just wanted to be there and support. be that piller for them. it wasnt until they said it was time to bury granddaddy that it really hit me. im not going to see him again until heaven. it was a different kind of crying. it suprised me. i didnt think id just suddenly start crying.

.cti this summer, we met a girl named Melissa in Grand Caymen. she said she felt that god was speaking to us through her, and that she had a message for each of us. and she was dead on with things that no one should know without talking to us for awhile.

.when she got to me, she said i was more than i think i am. and that im a piller to those around me. and she mentioned the song, "beauty for ashes." i always thought she was referring to being a piller when it come to faith, and i though maybe im stronger in my faith than i think i am. that may be it, but maybe its because i try so hard to support people when they need it. i barely left my mom's side in Kentucky. she needed help, and i think i really did. i really just want to be able to help people stand, cuz people are so much stronger than they think they are.

.jesus, how did you do it?.

.im so tired/blahish i cant really see straight. maybe that why i was everywhere on this today. maybe thats why i wrote what i wrote.

.i need a break from certain people.

.i feel the best when im helping someone through something. when i say "call anytime" if theres a problem to which you cant sleep. i really do mean it. i really dont care if its 2:30 in the morning and i was sound asleep. i dont want anyone to ever hesitiate if i can possibly do anything to make things better.

.i dont even really remember what i wrote. but i feel a little better. maybe if i wrote a song it would help. i havent written/finished a song in ages it seems.

.i just need to say home and sing/play the piano/guitar the entire day. music has always helped me through any kind of problem.

Song of the now: "Cry"--Mandy Moore

lol....i am an idiot

2004-12-05T19:42:00.000-08:00

I am a complete moron. so embarrassing. things were "said" that shouldnt have been. ohmylanta. i cant believe i did that. ahhh! so stupid. lol. ive gotta kinda laugh at myself about that one. they're not going to be talking to me for awhile......im so retarded. lets just leave it at that. lol.

seriously. my face is red, and no ones even freakin here. i didnt even mean it that way....but maybe how it sounded......lol. at least everyone know how retarded i can be, so, maybe they wont read too much into it. Gosh! Idiot! (Napoleon Dynamite voice)

So the USC/UCLA game rocked. We were right there on the floor pretty much right next to the USC band. (I love their uniforms! lol) the cheerleaders and "tommy the trojan" totally amused me, and USC won 29-24. They scored a touchdown within the first freakin minute of the game. how rockin is that? i had a lot of fun. The rosebowl was pretty cool, and parking was crazy on the golf course next door. USC is going to the orangebowl now, and ppl were throwing oranges onto the field in the 4th quarter! thats dangerous. and i think there was a mini brawl btwm a bruin and a trojan fan. crazyness. but it was awesome.

Song of the now: USC fight song......stuck in my head for the next week and a half i promise :)

USC vs. UCLA

2004-12-03T14:54:00.000-08:00

haha! goin to the UCS vs. UCLA game tomorrow with emily's family. I'm so excited! lol. It should be so much fun.

As of now. things are pretty good. Friends are good, family's good, finals are over.....i dont know what my grades are but, at least its behind me :)

Christmas break. rockin. Disneyland on the 15th, steller. overall, things are really good. so just remind me of that when i start complaining.

Song of the now: ''Fever" Michael Buble

Procrastination

2004-11-27T14:34:00.000-08:00

I now know why people procrastinate. Like right now, at this very moment, i should be studying for finals. And i know this. But for some reason im not. its not like studying is going to kill me, in fact it will be EXTREMELY helpful. Yet I procrastinate. And i know why. Are you ready for this realization?! I hope so.

People procrastinate because psycologically, we figure that if we dont deal with it now, we'll never have to. It'll just magically dissapear. Genuis. Power of osmosis!

Song of the now: "Dance Magic, Dance"--David Bowie, Labyrinth

2004-11-24T13:59:00.000-08:00

My best friend emily and brent!

2004-11-24T01:02:00.000-08:00

Bryce and Katie. Olay!

2004-11-24T00:05:00.001-08:00

Roberto taking a picture of me....taking a picture of Roberto :)

2004-11-24T00:05:00.000-08:00

Bryce and Leanne...a little blurry....:(

2004-11-24T00:04:00.000-08:00

Eric and Amanda...Magic Flute

2004-11-24T00:03:00.000-08:00

Opera Scenes....I'm the Mikata gal taking the picture. :)Paige and Sarah

2004-11-24T00:01:00.000-08:00

GQ pose anyone? Wes and Eric

2004-11-24T00:00:00.000-08:00

Me and Steve! Go Team Carib!

2004-11-23T23:59:00.000-08:00

Good Times